Halo: Back to the Future?
by JechtShot95
Summary: After Halo 3,The Chief, Sarge Johnson, and Arbiter are all mysteriously transported into the year 2007! Unfortunatley along the way, they will meet morons. WARNING: UTTER CHAOS WILL HAPPEN. Disclaimer: I don't own halo or any character
1. WTF is happening?

Halo:2007

"Everybody, clap your hands!" said Craig Kenning, the dance instructor. Everybody, as you can infer started to clap their hands.

Little did Mr. Kenning know that today's dance class would be a LITTLE crazier than it would ever be.

_a bunch of years later..._

"We stopped the Covenant and the Flood. Chief, for that I am proud of you, and I owe you a beer" said Sergeant Johnson, as he offered Master Chief a glass.

"No thanks, Johnson, I don't drink," said Master Chief, as he shook his head. Master Chief had once again saved the universe by stopping the Covenant attacks on Earth. He and the Arbiter had found the ark and destroyed it, thus shutting Halo for eternity. The Covenant was forced to retreat and had not been seen for months. Still something seemed to be missing.

The Arbiter scoffed at Sergeant Johnson and Master Chief. Foolish humans. Why did they drink? Was it for the need to be drunk? He could never understand humans.

Worse for him, the one they call "Master Chief" had gotten all of the recognition for the fight against the Flood. For people, the Arbiter was just another Elite who they despised. Though he never got into fights, he could see that people disliked him immensely.

Even that human, the one they called Sergeant Johnson was an arrogant and pompous person. He would occasionally joke about something called "racism" something that the Arbiter didn't understand. What was racism? Was not everyone equal on this planet?

"Oy! Arbiter! Something wrong?" said the Sergeant, as he drank his swig of beer.

"No, Johnson, but everything has been too quiet," said the Arbiter, as he looked off into the distance. It was very unlike the Covenant to stay away for too long. They would want revenge.

_500,000 Miles Into Space_

About 500,000 miles into space, the Prophet of Truth's plan had succeeded. Soon that traitor, The Demon, and that pompous sergeant would be gone forever. There would be no interruptions this time. Although The Great Journey had ended, "the Great Revenge" had started.

_500, 000 Miles into Earth_

"Hey, Johnson, what the hell is happening?" yelled Master Chief, as the three men were walking through an unusually dangerous hurricane.

"I don't know, but whatever it is-WHAAAAA!" screamed Johnson, as this portal like thing (WTF?) sucked Johnson in.

"AVERY!" yelled The Chief as he was sucked in the portal after Johnson.

_Avery? What kind of name is that? Strange enough Johnson was, but Avery? A better name would be something like Killam__ee, or JawFgreaftm. __Those make__ more sense-OH HOLY HIERACH-_ though the Arbiter ashe was sucked inside the portal.

"Now, I want everyone listen to this! F is or Fitness! U is for Understanding fitness! C is for Coordination! K is for Kooling off! What does that spell? It spells-OH SHIT!" yelled Craig Kenning, as a mysterious portal appeared through the air. Some strange people came flying through the portal. They looked COOL!

Instinctively, the Arbiter drew his energy sword. Unfortunately, a man walked by and was impaled by the sword.

"What the….where are we?" asked the Arbiter, as an impaled head dangled from his energy sword.

"From what it looks like, we're in Earth 2007. Oh no. 2001-2008 was known as the Stupid Ages for time. Looks like we're stuck here," said Johnson, as he investigated the area.

"Hey, this is a cool looking toy," said a man, as he pressed the button on the blue, bright, sticky, thing. For kicks he put it on his head.

"NO, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?", yelled Master Chief, as he threw him out of the window.

"OW! What was that-" yelled the man before an explosion in air occurred. As his brain flew through the air, an unfortunate couple was walking by.

"Here's your gift honey…" the boyfriend of the couple said, when all of a sudden, a random brain(guess where, this came from) flew into the girl's face!

"AAAUGH!" yelled the girl, as she ran around into the streets.

A car ran her over, as her corpse went flying through air.

The driver of one car was surprised to find a dead carcass on his shield.

"ZOMG I CAN'T SEE!" yelled the driver, as he crashed into a gas station. HE unfortunately drove into the gas tanks causing a huge explosion, as burning cars flew through the air into the traffic, causing a gigantic car wreck. Unfortunately, the car wreck, caused a pipe to leak out carbon monoxide. As carbon monoxide spread over the city, millions were slaughtered. Sad face

"HEY WEIRD LOOKING DUDE, NICE SWORD!" yelled Craig, obviously unaware of the situation(he was wearing a gas mask for no reason. Go figure).

Master Chief and the Arbiter were shocked in horror at the sight they saw in the city, as they could hear screams, explosions, and utter chaos happen. Master Chief's helmet protected him, while the Arbiter was simply immune to the effects of the gas. Sergeant Johnson died, but as we all know, he was a gigantic pompous asshole. Oh wait, that's not what I meant. As I was _saying, _Johnson always dies and comes back, so the Chief and Arbiter weren't worried.

"Listen mister, I don't know what's wrong with you, but in case you haven't noticed, the whole city has been slaughtered," said Master Chief as he put a hand on his face in shame.

The Arbiter looked at his sword, and was shocked to find 5 impaled heads dangling on it. He passed out.

Master Chief, finding out he was stuck in this city full of morons and slaughter just bashed his head against the wall and was knocked out.

Craig, being the dumbass that he is, stood there saying-

"C'mon guys, what's happening? I hope I didn't make you sad…."

--------------------------------------------

**Well, that's our story. Some stuff might be EXTREMLEY UNREALISTIC, but that's the point. Later chapters are to come! How will the Chief and Arbiter survive(Johnson is immortal, so don't worry ****bout**** him)?**

**Btw, Johnson owns. **


	2. The Very Strange Quest

Disclaimer: I do not own Halo or any of that stuff. Not yet… MWAHAHAHA

"Ugh……where the hell am I" said the Master Chief, as he woke up.

"Don't worry, you're safe here. This place is one of the safest places you could ever be in!" said Craig joyfully as he jumped up and down.

As Master Chief looked outside, he could see people screaming, and he saw a head impaled on a light post.

_Oh shit. I'm stuck here. How am I ever going to get back_Thought the Master Chief as he shook his head in disgust and spat on the ground. This place was a hell-hole alright.

On the other side of the room, The Arbiter was whimpering in fear. He had never let any of his earlier soldiers or commanders know this, but he was afraid of the color pink. What was so scary about the color, you ask? Well, it all started when our Arbiter was little boy elite….

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Ooh, Dad, let me shoot the laser cannon!" pleaded baby Arby as he looked up at his father with cute little Elite eyes. The baby Elite squirmed and squirmed around as his father looked down at him.

_They look so cute in their larva form_ thought the father, as he finally gave in.

"Okay Arby. You can shoot the cannons at the humans. Just be careful of the aiming, okay Arby? You can shoot now-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" screamed the father as the Arbiter shot the pink blast at full speed and full power. Unfortunately he forgot to aim the cannon. And that cannon (unfortunately) was aiming straight at our Arby's "elites".

"MY GRANDCHILDREN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled the father as Arby screamed in pain and agony.

_**End of Flashback**_

Well, that was why you never saw the Arbiter with any women. Although, I really don't see what's so attractive about a snake-like head and the Mark of Shame branded on his back. Anyways, The Arbiter cowered in fear as he saw a little girl walk up to the door. Unfortunately that girl was not only fat, but she also wore the color pink. She also had some sort of creepy monkey next to her.

Sergeant Johnson heard the doorbell and rushed to answer it. He was surprised to see a monkey next to the fat girl.

"Hola! Buenos dias! Would you like to go on an adventure?" yelled Dora as a gigantic blue computer-mouse thing pointed to some random nearby volcano shaped like an ass.

"………no" said the Sarge as he slammed the door in Dora's face. As swears and various curses were yelled out the window, the Sarge could hear a small scream from the Arbiter, as our Arbiter started to cry.

"I WANNA GO HOME! I'M SCARED!" yelled the Arbiter as he threw a tantrum. Needless the Sarge slapped him in the face, and the Arbiter stopped crying immediately.

When Master Chief heard the doorbell again, he was shocked to find Dora the Explorer looking like Dora the Exterminator. He also was pretty dazed to see Boots the Monkey looking like "I will step on you with my Boots".

"Now listen here you son of a bitch! WE'RE GOING TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE!!!!!!!" yelled Dora as she kicked Sergeant Johnson in the nuts. Not surprisingly, the nut-less Arbiter screamed in fear.

"Fine…..we'll go your stupid little adventure," said the Master Chief, as he reluctantly walked with Dora and Boots. Not too far behind, the Arbiter, Sergeant Johnson, and Craig Kenning walked as well.

"Listen you idiots, we are going to the Crack of Doom!" screamed Dora in a VERY irritating loud voice, as Master Chief restrained from choking her scrawny little neck.

Craig looked at the volcano. Like mentioned earlier, the inside of the volcano was known as the Crack of Doom! The volcano looked like an ass. _But why was it called the Crack of Doom? _Thought Craig as he looked at Dora. He had never looked at it before this way, but he realized that he was VERY attracted to women with pink shirts.

"C'mon, guys, let's have some fun!" yelled as Craig pulled down his pants and began shaking his buttocks at Dora, thus offending her. "That's how we court people from where I come from!" said Craig later on in an interview with us. Needless to say, Craig has lived a very messed up way of life from where he came from. Anyways, bystanders of this adventure were not surprised to see Craig being hurled into the volcano.

The journey seemed easy. There were no obstacles, but Dora refused to tell them why they were going on this pointless quest.

Everything seemed fine, when all of a sudden the group got lost. Master Chief got stuck in a pit of glue (how no one noticed he was missing is still a mystery to this day), Dora and Boots disappeared, The Arbiter and Johnson were the only ones still on the trail, and as we all know Craig was thrown into the volcano by a VERY offended Dora earlier.

"It's okay Boots, we'll be safe," said Dora, as they both walked into a dark cave. Unluckily (But luckily for out poor fellows, the Chief, Arbiter, and Johnson), the cave just happened to be a dragon's cave. As Dora felt her legs being ripped apart and Boots was being skinned open, she said two last words…

"Adios amigos!" yelled Dora before she and Boots were hurled into the dragon's mouth and slowly digested for 100000000 years.

**Arbiter and Johnson**

"Where the hell did the group go?" asked the Arbiter back to his normal state now that that wretched creature known as Dora the Explorer got lost with her monkey pal known as Boots.

"I dunno, Arbiter, but I care for the Chief. We gotta go find him!" demanded Johnson as he took out his Sniper Rifle and headed backwards.

**MASTER CHIEF**

_Who knew that if you just asked the glue pit to let you go, it would let you go?_Wondered the Chief as he moved forward on the trail

_Now to find those blind and deaf bastards…..Wait, what was that noise?_ Though the Chief as he heard a strange noise coming from three bushes.

"My precious……." He heard the bushes say as the Chief moved closer and opened the bushes. What was inside the bushes shocked Master Chief to the point where the Master Chief screamed like a little girl in a corner.

What was inside the bushes was a small creepy, monkey(?)-human like thing that called himself Gollum. Yes, he was holding to his precious. Unfortunately, that "precious" happened to be something extremely explicit and Gollum was holding his "precious" and looking very proud of it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Both the Chief and Gollum started screaming at each-other for nearly 5 hours straight before they both passed out.

**CRAIG**

Craig had made it to the Crack of Doom, when Dora threw him. However, instead of red lava, the lava looked enormously brown and yellowish. _I wonder why…….._ thought Craig as he walked out of the volcano.

**Well, that was disturbing ending right? But what will happen to our Poor Chief and "precious" Gollum? What will happen to Craig? And what will happen to our nut-less Arbiter and Sergeant Johnson? TO BE CONTINUED!**


End file.
